Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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