I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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