we were pretty classy up until the second keg
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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