So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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