just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.