I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.