How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head