Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
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okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch