After last night, I could never be a politician.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
