I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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