I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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