I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
