I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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