May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize