I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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