I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
