Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
