I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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