i don't like sucking hair
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
