I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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