Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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