I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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