Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
