I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
