Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
