my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
