we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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