Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
