I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
