I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
