i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
