she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Houston, we have a blender
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
