Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
