So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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