woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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