I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
