I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize