I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
