Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
