Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
