the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
