we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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