Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You don't make any sense
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