I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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