Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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