Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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