if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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