i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
