I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
