i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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