You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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