I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
