My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
