What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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