the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
