I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
