I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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