My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
