She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Damn victory sex feels great
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
