A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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